Clearings

How to do a clearing

Version 1.0. Last updated: 23 June 2019

When a clearing can be useful

When you notice that something is in the way of open communication between yourself and another person, a ‘clearing’ can be a nice way to clear the air between you.

How to do a clearing

1. Ask the other person whether they have the space for a clearing at that moment. See if you can find a private space to do this.
2. Tell the other person why you feel held back in your contact with them. This means you speak about your own experience and feelings, so without accusations. It helps to talk about very concrete moments in which you experienced this. You can explain which assumptions or judgments you hold.
3. The other can respond with “thank you” and which part of the clearing they recognise (or not). They can say if and how they relate to what has been said.

Example:

“Hi. Can I clear something with you now?”

“Of course! Shall we go and sit over there? What’s up?”

“I noticed that I am avoiding you, well, actually, because I think you are super attractive... *sighs* I am afraid that when I talk to you, I will say stupid stuff and you’ll think I’m an idiot.”

“Ehhh, well, thank you! That’s actually really nice to hear. I don’t think you’re an idiot.”

Another example:

“Hello. Do you maybe have the space for a clearing?”

“Yes.”

“Yesterday in the cuddle puddle you squeezed my belly without checking this with me first, which made me feel a bit unsafe. Since then I notice I feel hesitant to stand close to you. I don’t want to feel this way around you, I want us to be relaxed in each other’s company.”

“Thank you for clearing this with me. I remember this moment, and I’m truly sorry. I was afraid to ask, I think. I really didn’t want to cross your boundaries.”